These Funny Halloween Quotes are perfect to share with your friends to make them laugh and to celebrate this day full of joy and ecstasy!
Funny Halloween Quotes
“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’ I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, ‘Trick or treat…No, thank you.’” —Rita Rudner
“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Dear Great Pumpkin, Halloween is now only a few days away. Children all over the world await your coming. When you rise out of the pumpkin patch that night, please remember I am your most loyal follower. Have a nice trip. Don’t forget to take out flight insurance.” – Linus
“This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.” – Conan O’Brien
“In the sky, the Halloween moon raced in and out of the clouds. The Halloween wind was blowing, not a blasting of wind but a right-sized swelling, falling and gushing of wind. It was a lovely and exciting night, exactly the kind of night Halloween should be.” – Eleanor Estes
“Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen. Voices whisper in the trees, ‘Tonight is Halloween!’” – Dexter Kozen
“Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth
“We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.” – Stephen King
“Wench! Trollop! You bucktoothed, mop-riding firefly from hell!” – Billy Butcherson, Hocus Pocus
“I dropped the candies into the children’s bags, thinking: You small mortals don’t realize the power of your stories.” – Karen Russell, Vampires in the Lemon Grove
“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick-or-treater looking for a brightly-lit front porch.” – Robert Brault
“Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.” – Dee Snider
Humor Funny Halloween Quotes
“‘Tis the night—the night of the graves delight and the warlocks are at their play; Ye think that without the wild winds shout, but no, it is they—it is they.” – Arthur Cleveland Coxe
“On Halloween, witches come true; wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.” -Nicholas Gordon
“Magic is really very simple, all you’ve got to do is want something and then let yourself have it.” – Aggie Cromwell, Halloweentown
“I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.” – Elizabeth, Friday the 13th
“A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality.” – Lucy Van Pelt, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” – Douglas Copeland
“When the witches went waltzing.” – Linda Williams
“Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves.” – Elvis Duran
“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” – William Shakespeare, Macbeth
“Halloween wraps fear in innocence, as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat… ” – Nicholas Gordon
Funny Halloween Quotes for Adults
“From ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!”
—Scottish Saying
“Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.”
—Steve Almond
“Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.”
—Dee Snider
“This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.”
—Conan O’Brien
“There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.”
—George Carlin
“I think if human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween. Wouldn’t life be more interesting that way? And now that I think about it, why the heck don’t they? Who made the rule that everybody has to dress like sheep 364 days of the year? Think of all the people you’d meet if they were in costume every day. People would be so much easier to talk to—like talking to dogs. ”
―Douglas Coupland, “The Gum Thief”
“Dear Great Pumpkin, Halloween is now only a few days away. Children all over the world await you coming. When you rise out of the pumpkin patch that night, please remember I am your most loyal follower. Have a nice trip. Don’t forget to take out flight insurance.”
―Linus from Charles M. Schulz’s “The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 6: 1961-1962”
“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.”
—Tim Burton
“I’ll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.”
—Anonymous
“The witches fly
Across the sky,
The owls go, ‘Who? Who? Who?’
The black cats yowl
And green ghosts howl,
‘Scary Halloween to you!'”
—Nina Willis Walter
“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.’ I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, ‘Trick or treat…No, thank you.'”
—Rita Rudner
“Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.”
—Fernando Pessoa
“There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.”
—Jean Baudrillard
“On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.”
—Rodney Dangerfield
Funny Halloween Quotes from Movies
“Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again.” – The Addams Family
“We’ve got to find Jack! There are only 365 days left until next Halloween.” – The Nightmare Before Christmas
“Where there is no imagination, there is no horror.” – Arthur Conan Doyle
“Halloween was the best holiday, in my opinion, because it was all about friends, monsters, and candy, rather than family and responsibility.” – Margee Kerr
“Isn’t the view beautiful? It takes my breath away. Well, it would if I had any.” – Corpse Bride
“She’d always loved Halloween. A magic night. A night when anything could happen. Monsters could be real. Magic could whisper in the air.” – Cynthia Eden
“Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” – Stephen King, The Shining
“Listen to them, the children of the night. What music they make.” – Bram Stoker, Dracula
“I can think of nothing on this earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.” – Steve Almond
“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” – L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
“What an excellent day for an exorcism.” – The Exorcist
“Be afraid… Be very afraid.” – The Fly
“Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, ‘Never take candy from strangers.’ And then they dressed me up and said, ‘Go beg for it.” – Rita Rudner
“I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner.” – Evan Peters
“I see dead people” – The Sixth Sense
“It’s Showtime” – Beetlejuice
“We ask only to be reassured about the noises in the cellar and the window that should not have been open.” – T.S. Eliot
“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” – William Shakespeare
“We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.” – Stephen King
“I dropped the candies into the children’s bags, thinking: You small mortals don’t realize the power of your stories.” – Karen Russell, Vampires in The Lemon Grove
“Hi I’m Chucky, wanna play?” – Child’s Play
“No, please don’t kill me, Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel.” – Scream
Funny Halloween Quotes for Letter Board
If you’ve got it, haunt it.
Hey boo, Let’s get sheet faced!
Let’s get smashed
Have a fang-tastic time!
Have a ghoul time!
A wee bit wicked
Drink up, witches!
I’m 100% THAT witch
There’s nothing fun about fun-size candy bars.
Oh My Gourd… I love fall!
If the broom fits, ride it.
It’s just a bunch of Hocus Pocus!
Trick or Treat yo’ self
Save your candy. I’ll take the boos.
Cheers Witches
Shake your boo-ty!
Creepin’ it real!
Eat, Drink, and Be Scary!
Resting Witch Face
Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Bad and boo – jee
What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo-Jeans
Funny Halloween Quotes for Work
Happy Halloween, dear colleague! I hope you really enjoy all the excitement, monsters, werewolves and craziness that this day brings with it.
The dead have risen to join the living in celebrating this Halloween. Oh, what a hair-raising night tonight is going to be. Brace yourself for the fright of your life. Happy Halloween.
This is the greatest moment to get dressed up and have a whole lot of fun with your family and friends. I am praying for an exciting, joyful, and scare-filled Halloween Day for you.
A dearest colleague, I pray the dark times don’t frighten you, because Jehovah God is light, and in Him, darkness shall never prevail. Have a joyful and exciting Halloween!
Happy Halloween! I am wishing you a fantastic and joy-filled celebration. I pray that you enjoy all the fun and the spooky moments that accompany this special day.
Wishing you a fantastic Halloween! But as you celebrate, be mindful of the dark creatures that prowl the streets at night.
If you don’t have a costume yet, don’t worry – you can always just dress up as yourself!
May your days be scary and bright!
Wishing you a scary Halloween that screams!
Wishing you a fiendishly fun Halloween!
Sending you lots of boos and hisses this spooky season!
Clever Funny Quotes About Halloween
Just because Halloween falls on a weekday this year doesn’t mean you can’t let your hair down and have some fun!
Halloween is the one night a year when I can be myself… or somebody else
If ghosts can easily walk through walls and glide down staircases, why don’t they just fall through the floor?
I might not be saying that I believe in ghosts, but I’m not saying I don’t believe in them either. Just in case, I’m going to be sleeping with the lights on tonight!
”We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.” – Stephen King
”There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery.” – Joseph Conrad
”Halloween is the time of the year when people run around like crazed animals, and don’t even think twice about it.” – Unknown
”By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” William Shakespeare
“On Halloween, witches come true; wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.” Nicholas Gordon
I’m not afraid of ghosts. I’m just pretty scared of what they might do to my house!
Funny Halloween Tombstone Sayings
Now she’s at rest and so am I
Three slugs from a forty-four
No Les, no more
Kicked the Bucket From Too Much Candy
He made a misstep and wound up here
They boxed up the pieces in the hearse
Who aimed for the brake and hit the gas
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so you must be,
Prepare for death and follow me
And Carolina bred
And here I lay
Carolina dead!
My other resting place is a sarcophagus
Here lies Lester Moore
Four shots from a .44
No Less, No More
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny
Funny Halloween Captions
Tricks or it didn’t happen.
Orange you excited about Halloween?
The haunt is on for more candy.
Come as you *aren’t.*
Trick or treat yourself.
Ghouls rule and boys drool.
Bat to the bone.
Feeling brew-tiful!
You can’t always get what you wand.
Bone to be wild.
You say witch like it’s a bad thing.
This costume is eerie-sistible.
In the Halloween spirits!
Get in, we’re going haunting.
Here for the boos.
Time to get this party startled!
#SquadGhouls
If the broom fits, fly it.
Creepin’ it real.
Fangs for the memories.
No tricks, just treats.
Who run the world? Ghouls.
Not every witch lives in Salem.
Having a bloody good time!
Oh my ghouls!
H🎃ppy H🎃lloween!
You look b🎃🎃tiful tonight.
The 🎃 👑 of Halloween.
Who you gonna 📞? 👻busters!
Trapped in my 🕸
👀 on that best costume 🏆
Keep your 🐾 off my 🍬
The cutest 🎃 in the patch.
If you’ve got it, haunt it.
Meet my boo crew.
New face, who ‘dis?
Can be bribed with candy.
Bugs and hisses to my witches!
Too ghoul for school.
Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
You bewitch me!
Funny Halloween Puns
“Howl you doin’?”
“Oh my gourd!”
“Demons are a ghoul’s best friend.”
“Hey boo, let’s get sheet-faced.”
“Romeo and Ghouliet.”
“Boo-yah!”
“Fa-boo-lous!”
“A scare is born.”
“Hallow-queen.”
“Frankly, I don’t think I’m that scary.”
“Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern.”
“Feeling gourd, like I should.”
“Looking for a bunny costume because it’s hoppy hour.”
“You’re the pick of the patch.”
“The zombie thinks this is the best thing since sliced head.”
“My costume is eerie-sistible.”
“Goblin candy all night.”
“Dying to have fun.”
“Bone appetit!”
“You can’t skele-run from my skele-puns.”
“I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn’t find it very humerus.”
“Let’s have some skele-fun.”
“This is a hip joint.”
“Spine on the dotted line.”
“No body won the skeleton race.”
“Where does a skeleton go for a fun night?” “Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.”
“I’m bad to the bone.”
Funny Pumpkin Quotes and Captions
“‘Cause I’m Peter, Peter the Pumpkin Eater/And the party has just begun.” —Garth Brooks
“Apples, peaches, pumpkin pie/Soon your love will be all mine.” —Jay & The Techniques
“Wednesday, play with your food.” —The Addams Family
“Hey, have you come to sing pumpkin carols?” —It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
“When life gives you pumpkins, make pie.” —a play on Elbert Hubbard’s words.
“I have to leave … Lizards and pumpkins and … things.” —Lily James in Cinderella
“I don’t see how a pumpkin patch could be more sincere than this one.” —It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
“Sugar and pumpkin spice and all things nice!” —a play on Robert Southey’s words.
“I’d say the first thing you need is … a pumpkin.” —Cinderella
“I never met a pumpkin I didn’t like.”
“I’m no Cinderella, but I know that pumpkins are magical.”
“Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.”—Steve Almond
“Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later.”
“My favorite word is ‘pumpkin.’ You are a pumpkin. Or you are not. I am.” —Harrison Salisbury
“I tromped through the pumpkin patch.” —The Nightmare Before Christmas
“What moistens the lip and what brightens the eye? What calls back the past like the rich pumpkin pie?”—John Greenleaf Whittier
“The pumpkin lies yellow, beneath the cold skies, it’s luscious and mellow, and ready for pies.”—Walt Mason
“I will defend pumpkin until the day I die. It’s delicious. It’s healthy. I don’t understand the backlash.”—Anna Kendrick
“Shedding late-summer tears for the end of cherry season. Patiently and hopefully waiting for pumpkin pie season.”—Terri Guillemets
“October, tuck tiny candy bars in my pockets and carve my smile into a thousand pumpkins.”—Rainbow Rowell